Freddy Krueger*

For a split second I debated putting Dr. Destiny on this list. Then I figured if I wanted to put a character on this list with power over dreams, I would put the one that wasn't the stupidest character ever created. Dr. Destiny sucks. His name is terrible and his costume in generic. Oooh! A skull face! Eat a dick Dr. Destiny. Even his episode in the Justice League cartoon was awful, and that's hard to do.

Moving on, notice that the title of this entry is Freddy Krueger with an asterisk. Next the that asterisk will read "if Freddy Krueger can pull his head out of his ass for five minutes and just fucking kill someone already," which isn't to say that Freddy Krueger isn't powerful, or that he isn't good at killing. All I'm trying to say is that I like to give credit where credit is due, and I would never say that Superman is incapable of something that a dozen teenage girls have done before him. Freddy Krueger is pretty much invincible in the dream world, provided he doesn't make physical contact with the person he is in the process of killing, which gives them the opportunity to wake up, pull him into the real world, and kick his ass like Jason Voorhees did. So Freddy Krueger does have an exploitable weakness.

However, by absolutely no means does Freddy need to make physical contact with anyone to harm them. He once turned a girl into a roach, trapped her inside a giant roach motel, and just crushed the shit out of it. Didn't come into physical contact with her at all. True, that was one of the lamer deaths in the series, but the point remains valid. Freddy never has to manifest himself anywhere near Supes. He could just trap him in some magically inescapable death trap. Or just cut the crap and kill him. Superman falls asleep. Freddy shows up and kills him from a safe distance. Freddy's reality warping dream powers keep Superman from busting out the kryptonian speed, and Freddy just strecthes out a long sharp dream claw and shanks Superman. Fight over. If Freddy doesn't french it up with fancy scare tactics or elaborate dream sequences it would be a very easy fight for him.

In summation, as long as Freddy didn't try to do anything too cute this would be a very easy fight, but I said the same thing before Freddy Vs. Jason as well though and we all know how that turned out.

Next Week: Tetsuo Shima

Firelord

Before anyone asks, I am not of the opinion that all of Galactus' heralds can beat Superman in a fight. Silver Surfer is a given. Firelord certainly. Maybe Terrax. I could see Stardust possibly winning. Red Shift, Air Walker, Morg, and Nova all suck hard.

Lots of people mistake Firelord for a simple fire elemental, like the Human Torch or any of the other half million fire manipulating super-folk. If that were true Firelord would have a bit of a problem flying through space at the speed of light finding planets for Galactus. Firelord is more akin to a human star than a Human Torch. He can manipulate energies even greater than that of mere fire. In addition to the stellar plasma that makes up his form, Firelord has control over the forces of both light and gravity (amongst other things that I imagine would prove less useful). Begs the question, if he has the properties of a living sun and controls light, couldn't he make himself like a RED living sun, thus robbing Superman of his powers? Not that Firelord would really know to do it, but he probably could. He is drawn red half the time anyway. Also, as a herald of Galactus he is both nigh invulnerable and capable moving faster than light (all the heralds that matter can).

Of course, being a living sun doesn't automatically prove that one can destroy Superman. Remember Solaris? Well, Firelord isn't a gay living sun like Solaris. Anyway, Superman flies through stars all the time. Sometimes this proves harmful (All-Star Superman, even though he didn't actually die from it. Just thought he was gonna) and sometimes he doesn't give it a second thought (Infinite Crisis). Being a living, sentient sun that can move faster than the speed of light is what gives Firelord the advantage. Superman couldn't lay a hand on Firelord, giving Firelord all the time he would need to pelt him with the countless numbers of radiation at his disposal as a living sun.

I believe many misconceptions about Firelord's powers stem from his name. "Firelord" is an awesome name and Marvel comics was lucky to snap it up, but it really doesn't do Firelord a lot of justice. Makes him sound like a dollar store Human Torch, when in reality he is an ass-kicking living sun (a living sun who is sometimes red). And he could beat Superman in a fight.

Next Week: Freddy Krueger

Mewtwo

Yeah, I'm 24 and I like Pokemon. Want to try and make something of it? Not that I'd fight you of course. I'm a 24 year old man who likes Pokemon, I've never been in an actual fight in my life. Besides, it's not lame to like Mewtwo. He is the most powerful Pokemon ever, and was included in Super Smash Brothers: Melee, which was the most awesome fighting game ever. He sucked in it, but I imagine it would be hard to translate Mewtwo's tremendous power accurately into a fighting game. He's better than Lucario anyways.

Mewtwo has appeared in so many mediums (just so it is known, I'm basing this article primarily on his appearance in the anime) it is hard to establish exactly what his powers are, but in every incarnation Mewtwo's power lies in his vast mental capacities. No, I ain't talking book learnin.' Mewtwo is a world class telepath and telekinetic. Just being one or the other wouldn't help here. Charles Xavier, for example, could not beat Superman despite his vast telepathic powers. This is because telepathy wouldn't protect Prof. X from Superman's speed and power, his body would be vulnerable. A straight telekinetic could offer a limited defense against Superman, but unless he was abnormally powerful would not be able to overcome him (I'm said many bad things about Supes here, but in reality he would be a dominating physical threat).

Only the combination of the two could beat Superman. Someone would could attack Superman telepathically (which Manchester Black tells us has worked very well in the past) but can offer up a defense long enough for it to matter. Mewtwo lacks the speed to use his telekinesis effectively against Superman, but makes up all the offense he needs with his telepathy. Also, if we regard the video game appearances, then Mewtwo also has the ability to erect barriers to defend himself and the ability to recover from wounds rapidly (costs a turn though). He is also shown to able to refelct certain attacks back at the attacker. He kicked the shit out of a Gyarados that way in the movie.

If Superman were a Pokemon, what type would he be? I'm willing to bet he'd be Fighting, which would give Mewtwo an advantage. I hope you enjoyed this article, it cost me all my street cred!

Next Week: Firelord

Destroyah

Contrary to popular belief, Destroyah did not kill Godzilla. Godzilla suffered a catastrophic meltdown during his fight with Destroyah, which killed him. Actually, Destroyah holds the distinction of being one of the few of Godzilla's antagonists to be killed by the Japanese military. They used one of their apparently numerous super-weapons though, so I guess it doesn't matter. Plus Godzilla's son (the lamest kaiju since Gorosaurus) helped a bit. Fucking Minya!

Destroyah is easily capable of beating Superman though. The difference between Japan's super-weapon and Superman is that a super-weapon is not an organic being. Destroyah's amazing energy attacks possess the properties of the Oxygen Destroyer, the original super-weapon which put Godzilla down in 1954. It causes a chemical reaction which...destroys oxygen. Sure to ruin the day of anything which requires oxygen to live. It's true that Superman can hold his breath a long time, but having all the oxygen in your body destroyed isn't the same as having the air sucked out of your lungs. Having all the oxygen in your body destroyed would pretty much kill you immediately.

Destroyah has other useful powers as well. He can split himself into smaller monsters (a process which also heals any wounds he might receive), change shapes, and...well, I guess destroying oxygen is his real ace in the hole. He's big though! Being big is an advantage against Superman, as I have explained in like three different entries by now.

Destroyah fought Godzilla to a standstill when Godzilla was at the peak of his power. When Godzilla was burning with so much radiation his own fucking bones were melting. And Destroyah may have been killed by the Japanese military, but at least he didn't get killed by Doomsday (who I maintain to this day is a poor man's Incredible Hulk).

Next Week: Mewtwo

Q

I could not for the life of me find a picture where Q looked the least bit impressive. Every picture of Q on the entire Internet just looks like John de Lancie being a smug dick.

This blog is going to suck severely. Even more so than the Dr. Manhattan blog. This means I have somehow managed to find a character even more unreasonably powerful than Dr. Manhattan. I can hardly believe it even as I type it with my own two hands. Q is terribly powerful. He eats suns and shits supernovas.

Q can quite literally do anything he wants. Appear in any form, alter any matter, and conjure any force, energy, or material from thin air. He fucks space and time in the ass. The guy can rearrange reality with less effort than it takes Superman to fart (granted, that fart would level cities. Q's fart would actually create worlds).

The fight between Superman and Q would take much less time than it takes me to write about it here. Q decides to kick Superman's ass. Superman suddenly finds his ass kicked. That is pretty much the whole fight. Q is likely to confront Superman physically beforehand as Q certainly values a bit of showmanship in the use of his godly powers, but this is by no means necessary. There is no possible advantage for Superman to gain. Q decides where (anywhere in existence and maybe a few places Q has to create himself from scratch) and when (literally, as in any time in the history of creation, again unless he decide es to create a new one from scratch) the battle takes place. Q has no vulnerabilities, and can only be harmed by unspecified means employed by fellow Q. Q may decide to play mind games with Superman, as he does with individuals he deems interesting, but they always play out in Q's favor. Q has an IQ of 2005 and pretty extensive knowledge of the breadth of creation, Supes cannot outsmart him.

It strikes me suddenly that Q is like a less stupid version of Mr. Mxyzptlk. Mxy uses his unlimited power to be a two dimensional character, while Q uses his to be super cool and also a little bit deep.

Next Week: Destroyah

Super-Skrull

I can explain Super-Skrull's superiority to Superman with a simple mathematic equation. Skrulls are superior to humans. At least 2.5 times better. So if a regular skrull is that much better than a person, it is only logical that a Super-Skrull is 2.5 time sbetter than a Superman. Simple mathematics. If Skrull > Man, and Super=(X)100, (Skrull)100>(Man)100. Math people.

Of course, not everyone subscribes to the logical reason of a brilliant mathematical equation, so I will break it down further. Super-Skrull possesses the combined superpowers of the Fantastic Four, plus he can hypnotize people. Also, as a skrull he is a natural shape shifter. All these powers work together to form a being that could defeat Superman with fairly little trouble.

Thing is, no single member of the Fantastic Four alone could defeat Superman. Even the four of them at the same time probably couldn't do it. The Thing and Mr. Fantastic (thanks to his elasticity) could take a few hits from him without biting it, but they lack the power to actually do any damage to him. The Invisible Woman could form a tiny force field inside his brain, killing him instantly, but she couldn't take any hits from him and Superman is way too fast for her to protect herself using the fields. The Human Torch would be pretty ineffectual in all respects, save the ability to fly his powers grant Kl'rt. A nova flame might slow Supes down momentarily but probably wouldn't kill him.

However, all these powers combined with Super-Skrull's combat training, shape shifting, and hypnosis make for a nigh-unstoppable force. Kl'rt's elasticity (which basically makes it impossible to land a solid blow against him, it'd be like punching a sponge for Clarky), strength, and force fields would buy him the time he needed to use his invisible force fields to either rip Superman apart from the inside or cause a stroke-inducing blockage in his brain, putting Superman down but good. Or to possibly hypnotize Superman into gouging his own eyes out with a kryptonite fork. Should Superman actually make that killing blow, Super-Skrull would just move his vital organs out of the way.

Of course, in a post-Secret Invasion world, it is possible to conceive a Super-Skrull containing any conglomeration of the powers of Marvel's heroes. I imagine the one most easily capable of beating Superman would be a Silver Surfer/Thor/Monica Rambeau/Sentry combo. God that would be a short fight.

Next Week: Q

Raiden

The power of Raiden is grossly misrepresented in the Mortal Kombat franchise. This is because fighting games rely on balance. One character can't be significantly more powerful than the other, even if that character is a frickin' god. That would defeat the purpose of playing as any of the other characters. Thus, Raiden is doomed to slum about with the likes of Johnny Cage and Kurtis Stryker, the true limits of his power untested forever.

Outside the constraints of the typical fighting game engine, Raiden would be a force to be reckoned with. Like Thor without a hammer (though does sometimes use a staff and is sometimes seen with a scabbard, indicating some sort of sword), Raiden's mix of god-given immortality and mastery of lightening would make short work of Superman.

Raiden possesses all the talents necessary to defeat Superman, as demonstrated in the moves he wields in the games themselves, if not by the way they are portrayed for purposes of game balance. He can convert his body to energy for purposes of teleportation and transportation, generate amazing amounts of energy from his body (as well as summoning it from the heavens), and he knows kung-fu. Plus, as an immortal, he has been fighting cosmic battles against powerful entities since way before Superman shucked his first corn-husk on Pa Kent's hick farm.

The clincher is that, while he can be physically defeated, as a god his mortal shell means nothing. His godly essence will re-coalesce itself inevitably, as it did most notably after Raiden seemingly destroyed himself attempting to defeat Onaga before the events of Mortal Kombat: Deception. That attack would have totally worked against Superman by the way, being magical and all. Raiden's magical nature pretty much ensures that only a powerful sorcerer or fellow elder god has a hope of defeating him permanently.

Not that it would really come to that. Captain Marvel has kicked Superman's ass so many times with magic god-lightening that I'm surprised Superman hasn't taken to rubberizing his underpants-on-the-outside costume.

Next Week: Super-Skrull