Alucard

99% of all vampires are totally gay. Thankfully, 99% of the world's awesomeness comes from the remaining 1%. That 1% is Alucard (also 30 Days of Night). He dresses kind of like a fruit, but he remains one badass fella. Single handedly makes up for all those kids I have to see at the mall, with their thick eyeliner and role-playing games.

Superman would make quick work out of any ordinary vampire. As a rule, they tend to be too effeminate to put up much of a fight. Not that it would help if they did fight, immortality is more of a burden than a blessing against someone strong enough to rip off your head and shove it up your ass. Alucard is far from any normal vampire however. He is known as the Ultimate Vampire, which is as spot-on as they make nicknames anymore. He sports all the typical vampire accoutrement, with a few especially nasty extras. He also carries two huge weapons, but neither are capable of harming Superman. Alucard's vampiric powers are what tip the balance in his favor here (as long as he is released to level zero,which I see no reason why he wouldn't be).

Provided Alucard doesn't decide to simply take control of Superman's mind (sex beam!) he would more likely than not rely on his familiars to win this battle. Imagine the scariest fucking things you have ever seen in your life, cast vaguely in the shapes of dogs (but they don't really have to be dogs I hear) that don't do anything but tear the shit out of whatever happens to be irking Alucard at the moment. These are typically what Alucard seems to use in his tougher fights. He has other options though. I don't believe Alucard is strong or fast enough to physically defeat Superman, but he other powers including but not limited to telekinesis, telepathy, umbrakinesis, intangibility, shape shifting, and teleportation. He also has insane regenerative powers. Alucard is capable of reviving himself from little more than a puddle of blood (a regeneration factor rivaled only by Lobo's). Coupled with his vampire-given immortality pretty much means Alucard will be sucking the last drop of blood out of the last surviving member of the human race.

Though he has amplified vampiric powers, he shares very few of their weaknesses. Sunlight doesn't seem to bother him. He recovered from a beheading at the hands of an irishman. I doubt a stake through the heart would affect him much. He can only be damaged by the most powerful of christian artifacts, which Superman does not have access to any more so than Alucard has access to kryptonite. Superman could always try throwing Alucard into the sun, but frankly I would worry less about what that would do to Alucard and more about what that would do to the sun. For some reason I have chilling visions of the sun as a giant, sinister eyeball, whose dark acknowledgement would surely destroy us all.

Next Week: The Void