Captain Planet

Captain Planet, he's your hero. Admit it fucker! Superman fans can rejoice this week, as I somehow managed to find an opponent even lamer than he is. Lame as he may be however, he is also very powerful. Powerful enough to beat Superman for sure. Just let Cap find Superman threatening the earth's delicate ecosystems. He would unleash his green wrath on the man of steel, then use his body for enviro-friendly compost.

Along such mainstays as super-strength and flight, Captain Planet has the power to command and transmute his body into the various elements that form his being-earth, fire, wind, water, and for some reason heart-making him as formidable as he is environmentally conscious. Superman can't land the big punch on a guy who can turn into wind!

Of course, Cap would still have to think of a way to actually defeat Superman...He could drown him by turning his fist into water and sticking it down Supe's throat, or he could have the earth open up and swallow Superman. Could he alter the earth's atmosphere so the sun's light filtered through red? I never saw him do it on the show but that doesn't mean he can't.

The real kicker is that even if Superman did win, Captain Planet would just go back to the Planeteer's rings, to be re-summoned whenever the time was right again. Superman couldn't defeat Captain Planet for good without taking down Whoopi Goldberg, the spirit of the earth, which would destroy the planet as well. Superman's reluctance to destroy the planet has always been his Achilles heel.

Next Week: Captain Marvel