Godzilla

People like to quote half truths and bizarre pseudoscience when defending Superman from my verbal assaults. I like to counter with Godzilla, the most scientifically impossible character ever. If Godzilla really existed he wouldn't be able to step foot on dry land without breaking every bone in his body and rupturing all his blood vessels. If Superman really existed he wouldn't look anything like a human and probably would have been burned alive by closed-minded bumpkins Ma and Pa Kent.

Let us revisit and old article, namely the second one, where I had Superman square off against the original Ultraman. I made mention of Ultraman's bones, skin, and muscles, and how they would have to be hundreds of times stronger than a normal man's just to enable him to walk on dry land, let alone fight space monsters. The same is true for Godzilla, who is even stronger than Ultraman for his size. Bones stronger than the strongest substance known to man, blood vessels slightly less so but still quite strong, and muscles like a wet adamantium weave are all necessities for survival for Godzilla.

Godzilla also has an atomic fire burning in his belly, which manifests itself most notably as the amazing nuclear beam he periodically bombards his adversaries with. In the past Godzilla has used this beam to do everything from melting diamonds to blasting meteors out of the sky (he also once used it to fly, but I don't like to think about that). It is hot enough to scour the flesh from Superman's bones.

Of course, my favorite outcome to this tussle is the most obvious one. Godzilla eats Superman.

Next Week: Dr. Manhattan