Santa Claus

Chosen by God as the bastion of holiday generosity, Santa Claus has gone by many alias' over the centuries: Chris Kringle, Father Christmas, Saint Nicholas, etc...But whatever you choose to call him know that while he may be known for dispensing presents to good little boys and girls on Christmas day, he is also fully capable of dispensing death to his adversaries all year long.

Many people may think me crazy for including Santa here, or perhaps merely overcome with Christmas cheer, let us take a second to examine the physics behind Santa. While the precise mathematics behind it are somewhat boring, it can be roughly determined that in order to visit every gentile boy and girl on the planet Santa would have to travel at least three thousand times the speed of sound in order to get it done in the allotted 31 hours. Plus, a conservative estimate places to size of Santa's payload at around 350,000 tons (I say conservative because, according to my Dad, kids are spoiled these days).

Keep close in mind Santa's two most obvious advantages in this confrontation. First, Santa is omniscient. He sees Superman when he's sleeping and knows when Superman is awake. There is no possible way for Superman to surprise Santa. Santa knows all Superman's tricks.

Santa's second and admittedly most blunt advantage is that you just know someone asked for kryptonite this year. I know I did.

Next Week: Gladiator